Last night, I was bored. I was sleepy but I couldn't sleep. There were sounds of firecrackers every minute, some as close as the neighbor's backyard. Besides, my sister's kids and I had a no sleeping deal.
At midnight, we turned on all the lights and greeted each other a happy new year. We had our midnight meal of pansit and lechon with a dozen pieces of chico, about six calamansi and several pieces of banana as fruits on the table. Oh, there was also salad and cake, our sweet stuff. Then there was the traditional drink; apple and cramberry juice because my sister's kids were minors. Next year, we will be trying some light alcohol except for my nephew who is just sixteen.
And that was it. My niece remarked "That's it? That was the new year?" It was a lot quieter this year. There were no wonderful firework displays in the sky. It was a lean year.
Right now, I'm alone in the living room. I'm looking back at the year that was and it occurred to me. No, my situation suddenly fell on me. I'm tearful because I realized that my finances are in shambles. I owe the credit card company (though that has already been taken care of but I'm still paying). The preneed company is almost ready to close my account because of my neglect. Internal Revenue will probably send me a letter in a few weeks for personal and corporate taxes. And I find that I had put myself in this situation.
I knoe that this could be potentially read by so many people; people who know me and thought I was doing well. I know I had told some lies in the past just so I would not be the subject of questions and pity. But now, I'm the one giving myself these things. I have to ask the hard question of how the situation can be corrected. I have to find the answer to where I will source the funds. Right now, I am in tears because of guilt and self-pity.
This is the beginning of the rest of my life. Where do I go from here?
