Today I am supposed to be at a seminar entitled Pagyakap sa Buhay. The main speaker is a cancer survivor if I remember correctly who will talk about his faith experience and how it helped him through the rough times. I am supposed to be there but I am not.
This is my first real blog entry since my mother died. While I was alone in the funeral chapel, I wrote about my feelings and observations. After the burial, it became a different story.
A friend whose mother died a few years back showed me an article she wrote about her own experience coping with her loss. I told her I read it but I only perused it. I guess I am still not in the acceptance stage.
It's not that I deny my mother's death. I wear a black pin to announce the fact. My mind and my heart have long been convinced. Maybe there are still some regrets that I have not dealt with... Maybe there are still things that I would have wanted to tell her but did not.
Maybe I should have gone to that seminar.
Maybe I am just not ready yet.
