My mother died yesterday at around 1:30 in the afternoon. We rushed her to the hospital but she was pronounced dead on arrival. The emergency room staff tried to revive her but it was useless.
She had been dying for some tim. She fell and knocked her head a couple of weeks ago. But that only speeded up the deterioration. It was actually the diabetes that was getting her. She had been refusing to see a doctor other than her last one who retired. She passed away two weeks short of her 83rd birthday.
Since last year I had been bargaining with God to keep her with us until 2015. The reason was practical rather than emotional or spiritual. I was saving up for a nice plot in a memorial park where we would bury her and move my father By then too, my brother would be back here after he gets his master's degree from Yale and my sister's kids would both be graduating from college. She would die happy and we would be more prepared.
God answered me with a question. Was I willing to take care of her for that long a time? I was also looking for somebody to take care of her on a full time basis. My excuse was that I needed to keep working t support her needs and mine. The real answer was no because I was wrestling with issues between the two of us A recent retreat in Antipolo helped me face that and I have resolved it to myself three weeks ago.
On the morning she died, my cousin was still here. She was supposed to leave early while my sister had some things to do so they were supposed to wake me up early to stay by her side. Neither of them did what they were supposed to. Mama was breathing hard. They had placed her on the rocking chair to raise her head. My sister was beginning to cry,
My sister eventually went out to get some medicine and look for a priest. She came back with the medicine and the priest Mama received the anointing of the sick and I was actually answering for her. It was actually at that point that I had decided to give her up.
While we were watching her, I noticed her hands and feet were cold. I looked and noticed her fingers were a bit blue. We tried massaging her arms and legs but it was really no use. The digits were still cold.
Her breathing was getting shallower. Her mouth was open We tried our best to keep her awake but she was slipping. Until we went to the hospital, we exerted all efforts. As the priest said, her mind will want to stay alive even as her body gives up.
I am at peace. I don't know if and when I will cry but I know I can go on
Thank you Mama and thank you God
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